6 Steps To Solve Relationship Conflict
If you are currently in a relationship, then you are aware of the fact that relationship problems may cause unneeded stress in your life. Anytime two completely different individuals are placed together in a relationship there will undoubtedly be some conflict and struggle. This conflict occurs because each person brings to the table their own set of wants, needs and expectations which may differ from their partner.
Here are some steps to help and assist couples with solving their relationship issues.
Step 1: Specifically Define the Issue/Problem. Example: My husband is never home. My girlfriend never listens to me. I can’t stand to be around my husband’s mom for more than two minutes. I’m in love with my best friend, but he/she isn’t interested in me.”
Step 2: Explore the Deeper/Underlying Reasons and Causes for the Problem. Example: Why do you feel that your girlfriend never listens to you. Can you recall some examples of when this occurred.
Step 3: Reflect on How You Would Like Things to Be….Ideally. If you could wave the “magic wand” how would things change?
Step 4: Write Down All Possible Solutions to the Problem. Write down all possibilities and all solutions that you can think of.
Step 5: Identify the Best Possible Solution That Is the Right Fit for You. Find a solution that is appropriate and comfortable for you.
Step 6: Put That Solution Into Effect….Right Away. The sooner you start attempting to fix the sooner you will solve the problem.
These steps are crucial in the problem solving process. Many couples tend to fight continuously about the same issue. We call this “seeing the same old mountains”. Fighting repeatedly about the same issue is very emotionally and mentally draining. When a couple comes together to talk about a conflict they have to be solution-focused in their approach.
When the couple makes the shift from dwelling on the problem to finding a solution for the problem, then the entire tone of the conversation takes a shift. Arguing about the problem itself will only beget more arguing. Intense arguing of your point of view only causes your partner to defend his position even more adamantly. Two people debating and defending “their side” will only escalate the conflict. Once the issue is on the table, there should be a focus for the couple to come up with various solutions for how to solve the issue at hand.